Her husband neglects his family because of hobby of sea fishing[Hello Counselor ENG,THA/2018.10.15]
It’s titled, “An Unfaithful Husband.” I need someone to play the husband. I’ll ask Lee Kichan to play it since he acted in Hollywood. Let’s see what Hollywood acting is like. (Shy) Hello. I’m a woman in my 30s with three daughters. I’m busy raising our kids and doing house chores. But this one burden is frustrating me. Ring. Ring. “Honey, where are you? Why didn’t you answer your phone?” In English. “Why are you calling so much? I’m here in front of Mokpo Sea.” How would you say this? (Perfect to the end) See you later. My husband who travels all over the country is crazy about sea fishing. Sea fishing? And he’s so brazen. “My fishing rod broke. Go get it fixed. Be careful with it when you send it in.” He even makes me run errands. The problem is that in my womb is our fourth child. This guy is unbelievable. “Honey.” Wait. I thought you played the role well until now. But it sounds like he’s worse than we thought. She’s pregnant. This is ridiculous. You must be meaner. “Honey, we have to buy the baby’s things now.” “Right! I need to buy another fishing rod. I have to buy a reel, too. What else?” (The audience is satisfied) That really sounded mean. “Honey, I must go in for a checkup.” “I can’t go with you!” That’s right. – “I’m tired.” / – Good. His eyes sparkle when he goes fishing. Why can’t he see his soon-to-be-born baby? If he continues to be like this I can’t stand to live with him anymore. Please help me knock some sense into him. This is her concern. This is unbelievable. Tell me what you thought about Kichan’s acting. I can’t go with you! How scary. I can’t go with you. I must go fishing. – Go back to your seat. / – Okay. (He’s back to his innocent self) Let’s bring her out now. (Who’s concerned about her husband?) (Cheon Yujeong) (She’s close to her due date) Minkyoung, stand up. We know how she feels. – Sure. / – Sure. It’s hard to get up, right? (For different reasons) Will you be all right? To be honest, it’s hard. – Right now? / – Yes. My pelvis hurts a lot. My pelvis has been hurting since I got pregnant. You must’ve been very upset to come here today. It’s hard enough just to rest at home. I really felt like I was going to die. You’re pregnant with your fourth child. How long has this been going on? For 8 years. – Like this? / – Yes. – He goes fishing and doesn’t help you? / – Right. (No way) He wasn’t like this when we got married. After our eldest was born he went fishing with his brother and got into sea fishing. He got into after he went with his brother. – You must hate his brother. / – Yes. She answered right away. How often does he go fishing? He’s out of his mind! He’s out of his mind? I understand. He goes every day. He goes whenever he doesn’t work. Not on weekdays, right? He goes on weekdays and on weekends. When is he home then? He’s never home when he’s off work. He loves sea fishing so much that he travels to Gangwon-do, Tae-an, Mokpo… He travels all over the country. He said he’d be back soon and was gone for 6 days. What? (Soon means 6 days) – “I’ll be right back.” / – He’s quite different. Did he go overseas? No. He went to Haenam. And then he yelled at me. Why? “I went to have fun. What’s wrong with that?” He didn’t apologize? No. I never heard him apologize. – Never? / – Never. He still gets angry when I talk about it. (Wow, that’s worrisome) If he goes that often it must’ve cost a lot of money. He’s gone fishing for 8 years now and has spent more than $10,000. He has 6 fishing rods in the balcony, 8 reels and 3 at his parents’ home. He has to pay for the boat when he goes out. He has to pay for gas for his trip, too. He spends $200-300 on each trip. About $200-300. I told him once that we need to buy baby supplies. He said, “I need to buy another fishing rod and a reel.” He didn’t even listen to you? He just ended the conversation there. (So frustrating) If you decided to come here you must’ve tried to talk to him many times. I did, but all he said was, “Okay.” That’s it? I suggested that we come here today. I told him that I sent in my concern. He said, “Let’s see who wins.” He’s that confident about himself? Yeah. Let’s see who wins. (Eager to fight) I’ve been watching this program for years. Many people think that it’s fake. I wondered how people can come out here. Right. I thought I’d be too embarrassed to come. Now I get it. They don’t know what they’re doing is wrong. That’s why he’s so confident. Let’s let him know. I realize now that this is for real. If what she’s saying is true, her husband would be crushed. He can’t have a social life anymore. I hope he has a good reason. Let’s meet her husband. Where are you? Hello. They’re applauding because you’re here today. (Brace yourself) You’re here because you have something to say? Yes. Let’s hear you out now. At first, I didn’t think this was a concern. There’s a big age difference between us. She’s 10 years younger than I am, so I thought maybe it’s because she’s too young. You think it’s because of the age difference? I did try my best. I used to go fishing 4-5 times a week. But after she got pregnant, I go maybe once a week. I don’t go as often anymore. Do you look after your kids when you’re home? Yes. I bathe them when I’m at home. I’ve been doing it for years. – Even now? / – Yes. But recently, my back started to hurt, so I haven’t been washing them for about 4 months. She doesn’t remember the good things. She only remembers the bad things. The sword we took out became dull. He says he bathed the kids every evening. He bathed all 3 kids. Like I said, my pelvis hurts very badly. – I can’t lie down either. / – That’s hard. So I had to ask him to wash them for me. That is why. But he thinks he did all the work. – He’s boasting about it? / – Yes. – Like he’s always done it? / – Yes. (A shy smile) Is it true that you asked her to get your fishing rod fixed? Yes, it’s true. I have to send it in to a certain company. If I ask my wife to do it, she does a good, thorough job. (How frustrating) You ignored her concerns about baby supplies? Baby supplies? – Did you hear it? / – You don’t remember? Of course he heard it. (Guilty) So did someone come to pick the rod up? No, I had to take it with me. – To the post office. / – To the post office? – In your condition? / – With 3 kids. With all 3 kids? (What?) How? I hold two kids and one walks by herself. – One walks by herself? / – Yes. Then you yell, “Watch out for the cars!” Come back here! “Watch out for the red light!” Like this? How did you carry the rod? In my hand. Or I carried it in a bag. A bag on your shoulder, two kids in your hands. Yelling at one kid. – That’s how it goes. / – What else? He always calls when he goes on a business trip. What does he say? “Yujeong, send me my fishing rod.” Oh, he goes on business trips. I told him that I couldn’t do it. – He got upset. / – He did? He got mad and hung up on me. He’s terrible in so many ways. You could’ve rented the equipment. Did you have to ask your wife to send it to you? There was no rental place. That’s not true. Even for gamers, some people won’t play unless they have their own keyboard and mouse. Some people must have their equipment. They even bring their own to internet cafes. I think he’s the type to use his own at all times. Is that right? Yes, it’s right. (I don’t believe this…) It must cost a lot to go fishing. How much do you spend each month? About $500-600. Since it costs $500 each time, that’s $2500 for a month, right? – I guess so. / – That’s what I think. Do you handle your family’s finances? No, I don’t. – Then who does? / – My husband does. – How do you not know? / – Since when? Since we got married. I get an allowance from him for living expenses. I’m afraid to spend money because of it. One time, I bought hairpins for our girls. Their old ones were too old. I didn’t spend hundreds of dollars. Just $2-3 for each one. She’s getting emotional. – $2-3 per hairpin. / – How sad. He said, “You could’ve made them. Why did you spend money?” Make their hairpins? You should make your own fishing rod. Just snap a branch and use that as a rod. It’s the same thing. He has never bought me a birthday gift. – Even when you were dating? / – No. All he did was cook seaweed soup for me. What was so great about him? I was blinded by love. What about when you were pregnant? He bought things only when I begged him. Like clothes. My stomach is quite big this time. I asked my husband for money and I bought shirts for $5 or $10. But he buys brand-name shoes and clothes for himself. He has everything. They are all expensive. Whenever I spend money I have to call and tell my husband. “I bought this and spent this much.” I have to tell him every time. Even now? If I don’t, he yells at me. Let me ask you this. Why do you buy expensive clothes for yourself, but yell at her for spending a few bucks? She’s really good at making things. What? (He’s suggesting that she makes her own things) (Must I put up with this?) She’s good with her hands. I want to sew his mouth shut. It makes me so angry. I think everybody here might vote against you. I’ll give you a chance to explain. You never got her a birthday gift. Not even when you were dating. Why is that? I made her seaweed soup each year. Mom can make seaweed soup, too. She’s not living with her mother, is she? It never occurred to you to buy her a gift? I once asked her what she wants for her birthday. I told her I would buy her anything she wants. She told me she didn’t need anything, just a bowl of seaweed soup. – She said that? / – Yes. She was being considerate. You obey her quite well. That’s right. When she’s pregnant, she needs maternity clothes. You know that, right? She asked for money this time to buy some. You gave her $5? This is the only time he gave me money. What about during your first pregnancy? My mother bought me two maternity outfits. I wore the same clothes for our second child. Also for our third child. They don’t fit this time, so I asked him for money and he gave me $10. I bought it at an underground store. They sell $5 maternity clothes? Yes, just a simple, big shirt. Minkyoung, take off your clothes. I’ll give my outfit to her after the shoot. (Please calm down) I will. I can take my clothes off for her. This is so sad. Unbelievable. Since you’re here today, let’s get it all out. This is why your wife is frustrated. You have to be consistent. Then she would understand that you’re frugal. She wouldn’t be disappointed. That’s what she’s trying to say. I don’t buy new clothes that often. I only buy once or twice a year. When I do buy something, I buy something nice. How much did your shoes cost? My sneakers? About $150? What about your shirts? $150-200 on average. (Disappointed) Husbands care a lot during the first pregnancy. Right. They help out their wives a lot. How was he during your first pregnancy? I really craved fermented skate fish. So I asked him to buy some for me. He said, “Okay, okay.” I begged him for 2 months. “I want to eat fermented skate. Buy some for me. Please.” He finally bought it when his friends came over and had a drink at our place. This time, I really wanted to eat duck meat. That was more than 2 months ago. He still hasn’t bought me grilled duck meat. A friend of mine felt so bad for me, and said, “Let’s go eat duck meat.” I ate ducks until my stomach was about to burst. Multiple ducks… – Because someone else paid for it? / – Yes. I’m really curious. This doesn’t have to be aired. Why do you do that? It’s so hard to understand for us. She had to keep begging you to get her something. She’s your wife, not a stranger. When I got home it was around 11 p.m. The skate restaurant was closed that day. There are many places that deliver. No, we only eat at that restaurant. They serve this certain skate dish. Only that place has good fermented skate. You only eat fermented skate from that place? At the time, I didn’t really care. I just really wanted fermented skate. Now that we’ve talked to your husband for a while I can’t help but feel incredibly frustrated. He makes all kinds of excuses in a calm voice, so as I listen to him… I’d say, “Fine! Forget it! I don’t want it anymore!” – What do you think? / – He makes you give up. It feels like something is stuffed inside me. He frustrates me so much. If I had something sharp, I’d like to poke him. With something long. (Please do it for me, too) – He’s so annoying. / – Fishing. Two months ago, we had an argument and I got a cramp. I couldn’t move at all. So I called an ambulance. I was getting an IV and he said, “You deserved it.” “You deserved it.” – Why? / – Because I talked back to him. Because I didn’t listen to him. (I give up) You’re the worst person I’ve met this year. No, in my lifetime. (Getting more subscribers) He never gets this upset. I tend to joke around like that. No, please don’t say that. Please don’t say that you were kidding. Maybe he meant to say something else. Something like, “You preserved it.” (They all want to believe that) It was probably that. What was the tone of your voice? “You deserved it.” (The most aggravating voice) (You didn’t say it like that, right?) (Just like that) That’s how you said it? That’s just wrong. Maybe like we see in soap operas, perhaps he was in tears and said, “You deserved it.” That’s understandable. Then that would sound like a joke. “You deserved it.” Saying that might have been wrong on my part. But there was a whole process. I went to the hospital because I was worried. You were just making a mean joke, right? You definitely did not mean it, right? – Of course not. / – Sure. He just realized what a terrible mistake he made. You almost failed to be a human being. He’s been going down his own path but after seeing people’s reactions, he turned. (So annoying) When were you angriest at your husband? When I was pregnant with our eldest, my water broke. I called my husband while I was getting an IV. “I’m in the hospital.” “Why?” “My water broke, so I’m getting an IV.” “Okay.” And he just hung up and never came. Even when it was his day off? Yes. When I got home, he was eating with his parents. He never asked me if I was okay. He still hasn’t asked me. – It was during your first pregnancy? / – Yes. I don’t understand. Shouldn’t a father rush to the hospital? Whenever my wife goes to the hospital, she asks for money and I give it to her. Why didn’t you go with her when you were home? She always goes on my day off. Please… Wait. (I’m getting so angry) You should be fired up, flustered, and making excuses. Please don’t make ridiculous excuses in that calm, low voice. I get a lot of stress from work. I have to deal with the customers. Who doesn’t get stressed from work? When we shoot this program, we have to talk to people like you. We’re at work, too. (You’re causing them stress!) We’ve met many people like him. They were into many different hobbies. But they always say, “I don’t drink, smoke or gamble.” So he doesn’t have any other hobbies, right? He likes to drink, too. Once in a while? No. He drank 15 times this month. Does his personality change when he’s drunk? Yes. He has drinking habits? Does he get violent? He becomes violent. I get afraid when he goes out to drink. Why? One time, he went to Bundang to drink. I couldn’t get in touch with him for 4 hours. So I called the cops to locate him. He was asleep in the middle of a highway. – On the road? / – On the road in his car. During my third pregnancy, he drank at his parents’ place. While we were sleeping, he kicked me in the stomach by mistake. – Your stomach? / – Yes. I was 7 or 8 months pregnant. You were close to your due date. I said, “My stomach hurts. Let’s go see a doctor.” He said, “Okay” and fell asleep in the bathroom. I went to the hospital by myself, got an IV and came home. I told him when he was headed to work. “You kicked me in the stomach, so I went to the hospital. Did you know that?” “I don’t remember.” – That’s what he said? / – Yes. But he should’ve apologized for hurting you. “I’m sorry. I don’t remember, but I’m sorry.” – Isn’t that the right thing to do? / – Yes. When I’m eating with Shin Dongyeob and he asks, “Did you finish this?” I apologize even if it wasn’t me. She apologizes very well. We get drunk by food. When we eat, we aren’t sure what we ate so if someone complains, I just apologize. But your husband never apologized? He still hasn’t apologized. He isn’t good at apologizing to others. I don’t quite remember what happened. Even if you don’t remember, she said that you kicked her. She wasn’t lying. Of course you don’t remember since you were drunk. But she told you about it. You realized what you did. So why didn’t you apologize to her? I don’t know why I didn’t. I’m sorry. When she first came out, I thought it must be hard because he’s into fishing so much. But that’s not the only problem. Think about it. We pulled up a stem and endless roots are coming up. We thought fishing was the only problem. We were deceived. Unbelievable. Do you always get serious concerns like this? No, this is too harsh. If we knew there were so many concerns, we wouldn’t have accepted her concern. Their daughters are here. If we talk to them, we can see the truth. Girls. The eldest. (We’re here) How cute. (Eldest daughter) (Second daughter) – They’re so pretty. / – How cute. Who’s the eldest one? The one with black hair. What’s your name? Hello. I’m 8-year-old Jang Hanbyeol. – Hanbyeol. / – Hi, Hanbyeol. – Eunbyeol. / – She’s shy. Our youngest. Setbyeol, how old are you? I’m 5. You’re 5? Does your father go fishing often? Yes. How often does he go? Since I was young. She remembers that he’s been going for years. In your opinion, do your parents get along well? No. They argue often. They argue often? How do they argue? They yell at each other. Who yells first? Dad. What does he yell? “Do it now!” Like that. He told Mom to do something quickly. How do you feel when they argue? – Not good. / – Not good. What do you and your sisters do when your parents fight? – We’re scared. / – You’re scared? – You’re shocked? / – Yes. Of course it’s scary. Hanbyeol got a psychological test at school. They said that she has depression. – Hanbyeol does? / – That little girl? They told me that she needs treatment. It was his day off when I went to get the result. That’s a relief. But he didn’t go with me. He said that he was busy. I told him the result over the phone. They think she has depression and that she needs treatment. – He asked how much it costs. / – Money first? He spends so much money on fishing. The treatment would cost $30 each time. You told him that? It costs $30? He said, “It’s all your fault.” – What? / – That’s what he said? “She became that way because you yell at them. It’s not my fault.” He also said the treatment is too expensive so she can’t get it. That’s not what I meant. We moved recently, so it cost a lot of money. We were in a financial bind. Didn’t you think to go fishing less? I didn’t go fishing then. – Not at all? / – Not at all. I think Hanbyeol had depression because she had just started at a new school and she was ostracized by her classmates. It’s because of what happens at home. She’s intimidated and a loner at school and that’s why. That’s not what I thought. I used to have depression, too. My friends tried to help me out and tried to cheer me up. But if I don’t work hard it doesn’t get better. That’s what you think Hanbyeol needs to do? Teachers think she has depression, but she’s the one who must overcome it herself? (Don’t force an adult method onto a child) We talked to a professional to see what state Hanbyeol is in and if she can really overcome it by herself. We shot a video. Here it is. Hanbyeol, we’ll draw pictures together and play with sand today. It’s psychotherapy counseling. That was very good. We see how she feels through how she plays. Can you draw a house for me? We can see what she thinks through her drawings. (Just a house) She didn’t draw any family members. There are only two flowers. What does it mean? Does anyone live in this house? No. – No one ever lived here? / – No. If I asked you to live here, would you want to live here? No. (Mom is heartbroken) I’ve never seen a child draw a house she dislikes. She’s in a serious state. She has childhood depression. (He’s contemplating) Where is this tree located? – By the beach. / – By the beach. What will happen to it over time? It’ll die. It’ll die. (Oh my…) Is there a way to save it? – No. / – There’s no way? I think it has been going on gradually from unstable attachment. Her home environment has affected her the most. (I’m saddest when Mom and Dad fight) Hanbyeol’s vulnerable psychological aspects could influence her sisters, too. In the future… (A serious result) How do you feel, sir? He must have many thoughts in his head. I’m a bit despaired. – Are you surprised? / – Yes. What part surprised you the most? Her drawing of the house and mentioning us fighting. It saddens me. – You feel bad for her? / – Yes. Do you admit that you’ve fought a lot? Many Koreans tend to diagnose themselves and buy drugs that they think they need. We have the highest rate in the OECD countries. You already diagnosed your daughter like you’re the psychiatrist. “She doesn’t have a problem.” But that’s not true. It’s not that simple. What do you want from your husband? Please go fishing once or twice a month. I’m sure he can’t quit altogether. We’ve never gone on a family trip with the kids in the past 10 years. Except fishing. I’d like to go to a nearby villa and rest for a few days. I want us to be a good mom and a good dad to the kids. Let’s start with Gaga. Is it a concern? This is a serious concern. I feel like I just ate 500 sweet potatoes. I feel so frustrated inside. This is a serious concern. There’s no doubt. It’s a concern. I want to press the button repeatedly, but I don’t want to hurt Hanbyeol’s feelings. Please don’t give her painful memories and embrace her with love. If you think it must’ve been tough for the wife, please press the button. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Please stop. Before we see the result, I’d like to say that you lost today. Do you admit that? Yes, I do. Please say a word to your wife. I really love her. She is the best. To your daughters, too. Hanbyeol, Eunbyeol and Setbyeol are my future. I want to live a full life and make a happy family. Are you ready to change? Yes. Are you ready? (Perplexed) He can’t understand English. What did you say? Are you ready? Yes, I’m ready. (We root for your new beginning) How many votes did they get? Please show us. I’m scared to see it. – “An Unfaithful Husband.” / – They got a lot. We have a total of 200 votes. They definitely got more than 100 votes. What’s the result? 160? This is the highest we’ve seen so far.