Irish People Taste Test American Pizzas
DIANE: We are eating-
PAUL: Yes we are! DIANE: [laughs] Pizza! [instrumental music] DONAL: Am I right in saying that pizzas are Italian? BLAITHIN: Double sauce, double pepperoni, and then if I’m feelin’ it- oh wait, and double cheese. PAUL: [sings] I want some pizza! I want some-ha! PAUL: New York style pizza! DERMOT: [Italian accent] Itza pizza, a pizza.
DONAL: [accent] Eh-eh, New Yorka DIANE: [New Yorker accent] Cuppa coffee. Bit a pizza. MADI: Oh it smells so good.
BLAITHIN: Yeah, it smells like pizza and I like the smell of pizza. PAUL: Ten out a ten for looks.
DIANE: I-I’m delighted. DERMOT: [cries] I’ve genuinely never been happier. DONAL: Aw. Awww, get those tears on camera. PAUL: Man, that cheese, oh. DERMOT: [weird eating noises]
DONAL: Oh god, he’s making a mess. MADI: Very nice. PAUL: Cheese just goes [noise] and then the sauce comes “Hey!” DERMOT: How did this and Donald Trump come from the same place? PAUL: It’s just so juicy. DERMOT: If all this video is is this one slice of pizza, this is the best shoot you’ve ever done. PAUL: Chicago! DIANE: [spits rhymes] Chicken in a car, car won’t go, that’s how you spell Chicar-go. DERMOT: It’s thick crust, sure, but it’s not deep dish. I mean that’s–I’m just saying -we’re going to get comments. We’re going to get comments. DONAL: [weird American accent] You damn Irish idiots! -Don’t you know what deep dish is? Ya stupid f[bleep]. BLAITHIN: Why do you tear it? I love you so much, you’re so weird. DERMOT: I know it’s gonna be good. DERMOT: [unintelligible mumbling, contented laugh] BLAITHIN: You’ll see throughout the last few minutes I’ve just been moving all the meat- [laughs] into a little meat pile. PAUL: It’s not as saucy as the last one. BLAITHIN: I hate mushrooms so much.
MADI: Are you pulling my leg? DONAL: [mouth full] Did you know that mushrooms are technically an insect? So… PAUL: I wouldn’t’a ordered this one. I’d’a ordered the last one. DIANE: You ate the whole thing.
PAUL: I did, kinda. [laughs] BLAITHIN: Like, I know that other people would like it.
MADI: [unintelligible] BLAITHIN: I don’t necessarily hate it. DERMOT: We know, we know it’s not deep dish.
DONAL: [mumbling] I don’t know. DERMOT: We’re sorry, okay? We’re sorry. We know it’s not. DONAL: No no, I think all Chicago pizzas are meant to be thin. Paul: Now this one’s trickin’ the mind MADI: The shape of this one
BLAITHIN: Onions, onions, onions Donald: [different accent] Oh, ay, I’m guessin’ Minnesota. PAUL: [chuckles]
DIANE: I don’t like when the pizza is overcomplicated with “tings.” BLAITHIN: It’s less pizza, more naan with toppings. PAUL: [quick laugh] DONAL: [noise]
DERMOT: Why is nothing else in my life as good as this? BLAITHIN: This is really really tasty. DIANE: It’s not a pizza, but it’s–no, okay. MADI: Pizza’s like a sandwich, but also just not really as well PAUL: Onion looks like a volcano. It looks like kind of like an Hawaiian island. DERMOT: Ah, look there’s like vegetables and shtuff on it–
DONAL: Of course– DONAL: It’s California
DERMOT: It’s California. What is that, kale? Hah! BLAITHIN: I’m gonna eat this whole thing, that’s how much I like it. Paul: [unintelligible] the middle, hmmm. DONAL: You’re a very slow eater. DERMOT: Well, ’cause, we’re supposed to talk about this stuff as well?
DONAL: [blows a raspberry] PAUL: [sort of rapping] Gonna rate it, I’m gonna give it a six. DONAL: I do like pizza, but I think not in like a sexual way that you like pizza. DONAL: What. Is. Up. With. The. Shape? BLAITHIN: We did maths, and we know a rectangle when we see it. MADI: I got a C3. DONAL: This is one a’ those fancy European pizzas.
DERMOT: Is this actual Italian pizza? BLAITHIN: I’m seeing some brown and I don’t–I can’t explain it. DIANE: That’s not a pizza. DERMOT: Maybe it’s shaped like one of the states so, Idaho? DIANE: Detroit coming’ atcha! I don’t know. DERMOT: [unintelligible noise] MADI: Sharp corners. Can’t be trusted. DIANE: No thank you.
PAUL: I’ll have what she’s not havin’. Ha ha! DERMOT: The shape should matter. I mean we’re not shape queens or anything- -but the shape should matter. MADI: I don’t know, there’s something very different about it. PAUL: Mmm.
DIANE: Funny cheese. PAUL: [sing-song] It’s funny in my tummy because it’s havin’ fun. BLAITHIN: I like it loads. PAUL: It’s comin’ up on number one pizza! DERMOT: Well, it’s a smaller slice.
DONAL: No, but it’s a bigger pizza- –you’re not looking at the bigger pizza. BLAITHIN: We got to eat pizza today, I’m happy. DONAL: When are we going to have dessert? PAUL: I’m actually just so happy. Pizza–
DIANE: Aww. PAUL: Pizza pizza pizza! And America, you done me proud. DONAL: All right, we’ve done four. There is like, a million more, ’cause there’s a million more states.