NeoNoms Episode 1: Cheese and Eel Burger
B: My name is Brandon, and this is NeoNoms.
*Intro music* These are the two who are going to be helping me today. This is Gary, he’s
our editor. This is Dante, he’s the actual person who knows what he’s doing. Today we’re
making the eel cheeseburger. Let’s get rolling.I literally have no idea how to cook this. Let’s
begin. Can I have a smaller knife? Just a disclaimer, this is not my kitchen, I have
no idea where anything is. D: Okay hold on, before you burn us down. Turn it off you idiot!
B: Good thing Dante’s here. N: Okay, so what just happened? D: He turned on the gas, he
turned it on too fast, If you do that it’ll just light the gas. You’ve to do it very slowly.
B: Okay. I think I got it. D: Good, do not burn down my kitchen. B: Butter, butter butter,
probably in the fridge. I think this is butter. I have no idea how to wash lettuce, I’ve never
done this in my life. Need more butter. Butter. Butter. Okay, let’s. Oh this is way too much
butter, holy shit. Let’s put the eel on. Oh my god, this is disgusting. Before we do this,
but your hair in a tie, so everyone doesn’t have to eat hair. Fuck, I think this is too
big. I literally have no idea what I’m doing. Okay, so they have informed me that it’s a good idea to cut it, so I cut it. Now I saw on cooking shows you’re supposed to do
this, so I’m doing that. D: Another point for future reference, always open everything
first. B: Good, good to know. Definitely done. Nope nope, done done done, it’s good it’s
good. Time to cut this. I’m scared. I got this. Oh god I hope I got this. Ah it’s cut.
Next ingredient. D: Clean the knife. B: I think this is how you cut a tomato. This is
very hard to hold. I think there’s another way you’re suppose to hold this. Okay delicious,
look at that, that looks delicious. That looks disgusting. D: Did you wash your hands before
you started? B: Um, yes I did. D: Oh thank god. G: No he didn’t. B: No I kid I actually
did. D: After he cuts the tomato. B: I am washing my hands because I never washed my
hands up until now. I don’t know where to put it. Plate! This is a plate, I know that
at least. D: The extent of his knowledge. What are you about to do? B: Tear it. D: Forks
dude, forks. B: What? G: Teeth dude, teeth. D: Stick it in a bowl and tear it with forks.
B: I’m gonna try that. G: With your teeth? Ew. B: This is a bowl. D: Is this one fine?
B: Yes that is a plate. You can have the lid back. This is what I’m making it from. I just
want you to know that. I don’t know what the fuck anything on here is. I think this is
how you do lettuce. These are fucking huge tomatoes, holy shit. D: Yeah, remind me to
show you to cut thinner. B: Fuck it, my hands are already dirty. Mmm, look at that. Mmm,
oh god it’s getting everywhere. This is not a porno. These are fucking huge pieces of
cheese. Now the last thing is the ketchup, this right here. Mmm, this may not be ketchup,
it may be barbeque sauce, but I did not realize that until now, so it’s ketchup. Well, that
was uh, something. Um. D: Yeah you almost killed us with gas. B: Yeah that happened.
D: You looked like you almost cut your hand off with the way you held the knife, and you
didn’t wash your hands at first. B: But I think I did well, don’t you guys agree? D:
If this had been a school assignment you’d have failed horribly. B: Please agree with
me? D: This is gonna be disgusting. The eel I think will be fine, the eel and cheese,
but it’s everything else I don’t like. B: We’re eating now. D: Alright, three, two,
one. Oh god. I just got a fulls of ketchup and some eel and cheese and a bit of pickle. Brandon I’m going to kill you for doing this to us. B: Well, this was a successful meal. D: How was this successful? B: Tune in next week. D: We’re vomiting you bastard. B: Where
we may not die. D: Oh god. Well you threw up not ’cause of the taste, cause you ate
it in five seconds, which was just stupid.