Claire Corlett

Fish Food, Fish Tanks, and More
Poached Salmon Is Made Out Of… Salmon

Poached Salmon Is Made Out Of… Salmon


IT’S FLEET WEEK HERE IN NEW
YORK, AND WE’VE GOT SOME SPECIAL GUESTS HERE IN THE AUDIENCE
TONIGHT. JIMMY, CAN WE SHOW THESE GUYS? WE’VE GOT SAILORS JOINING US
FROM THE U.S.S. “BAINBRIDGE,” THE U.S.S. “FORT MCHENRY,” AND
DESTROYER SQUADRON TWO. (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
I TELL YOU WHAT, DESTROYER SQUADRON TWO, I’M LOOKING
FORWARD TO THAT. I REALLY ENJOYED DESTROYER
SQUADRON ONE AND HEARD THE SEQUEL IS EVEN BETTER. (LAUGHTER)
SPEAKING OF THE OCEAN: SCIENTISTS HAVE FOUND THAT
FARM-RAISED SALMON ARE SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION. YEAH. TURNS OUT THAT’S NOT SEAWATER
THEY’RE SWIMMING IN, IT’S TEARS. (LAUGHTER)
APPARENTLY, THE CONDITIONS ON SALMON FARMS HAVE CAUSED SOME
FISH TO PRODUCE HIGHER LEVELS OF CORTISOL AND FLOAT LIFELESSLY AT
THE SURFACE OF THE WATER. WHICH, BY THE WAY, IS HOW I PLAN
TO SPEND MY SUMMER VACATION. NOW, THIS IS REALLY SAD. IS IT REALLY WORTH IT TO CORRAL
THESE WILD, BEAUTIFUL CREATURES INTO CROWDED PENS THAT SAP THEIR
WILL TO LIVE, JUST SO WE CAN HAVE BRUNCH? IT DEPENDS — WILL IT HAVE THAT
FLUFFY WHIPPED CREAM CHEESE AND MAYBE A THIN SLICE OF RED ONION
AND SPRINKLE A FEW CAPERS? OTHERWISE, NO. IT’S NOT. (LAUGHTER)
WELL, I’M CONCERNED FOR THESE POOR FISH. SO I’M GOING TO CHECK IN WITH
GOOD FRIEND OF THE LATE SHOW, PLEASE WELCOME SAMMY THE
SALMON. SAMMY, EVERYBODY! (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
>>HI, STEPHEN! SAMMY, THANKS FOR BEING HERE. ALWAYS GOOD TO SEE YOU, SAMMY. LAST TIME WE TALKED, YOU HAD A
SERIOUS DRUG ADDICTION TO PRESCRIPTION MEDICATION LIKE
PROZAC AND ZOLOFT THAT SCIENTISTS SAY IS LEAKING INTO
THE PUGET SOUND. HOW YOU DOING?>>YEAH, BUT I’M OFF THAT STUFF. I’M TOTALLY CLEAN NOW.>>STEPHEN: WELL THAT’S GREAT,
SAMMY. HOW’D YOU DO IT?>>I GOT INTO THIS GREAT REHAB
PROGRAM. IT’S ON A FARM. LIFE’S GREAT! ME AND ABOUT 90,000 OTHER
ADDICTS.>>STEPHEN: UH, SAMMY, ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT LIVING ON A SALMON FARM?>>YEAH! IT’S A GOOD LIFE. SURE, YOU WORK HARD, BUT YOU IF
YOU PUT IN YOUR HOURS, ONE DAY, YOU’LL GET A FARM OF YOUR OWN.>>STEPHEN: I DON’T THINK THAT’S
HOW IT WORKS.>>NO, IT DOES. THEY SAY IF I GAIN ENOUGH
WEIGHT, THEY’RE GONNA TAKE ME UP TO THE EXECUTIVE SUITE TO MEET
THE HEAD OF THE COMPANY.>>STEPHEN: ON A SILVER TRAY,
I’M GUESSING.>>YUP! THEY SAID THEY’RE GONNA GIVE ME
A NICE STEAM BATH WITH SOME DILL AND LEMON SLICES — OH, GOD! I’VE BEEN LIVING A LIE.>>STEPHEN: I’M SORRY, SAMMY. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.>>STEPHEN, YOU’VE GOT TO TELL
EVERYBODY. POACHED SALMON IS MADE OUT OF
SALMON! POACHED SALMON IS SALMON!>>STEPHEN: SAMMY, WAIT. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU’RE NOT RELAPSING INTO DRUGS
DOWN THERE, ARE YOU? SAMMY? ARE YOU OKAY?>>I’M FANTASTIC! JUST TRY TO CATCH ME, (BLEEP)! I WILL CUT YOU! I’M GONNA LIVE FOREVER! WOOOOOOO!>>STEPHEN: SAMMY THE SALMON,
EVERYONE! WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK.

69 comments on “Poached Salmon Is Made Out Of… Salmon

  1. Also suffering from "depression", chicken, cows and plants grown on farms. Look at their listless eyes (or leafs), they were meant to roam free.. guess we should all release them and start hunting each other for food. Kappa

  2. remember now kiddies only dump anti-depressants into rivers now .the fishies are getting sad now that they're coming down from their collective high and we as a species must do all that we can to help the environment =P

  3. Anyone else here is vegan? Let's not support this industry, if you're already vegan, great. If not, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR??!!

  4. I'd like to note as someone who has to teach fish catching and conservation education: Salmon Farms and wild caught both have disadvantages. Neither is better than the other. Oh, and salmon most likely isn't salmon as you know it. There is a huge problem with mislabeling in the fishing industry, to the point where over 64% of all fish served in restaurants is not the fish it is claims to be. Real salmon is also über expensive because we unnecessarily dye it. Salmon is actually a dull grey in color, but we dye it pink to look more appetizing. Even if you request wild caught salmon, it will most likely still be dyed.

  5. Stress is the #1 gateway to relapsing. Stay strong, Sammy. Stay strong. We're all here, watching. Try not to think of yourself as being in a fishbowl or anything- we're just watching. And waiting. And sharpening our knives.

  6. It's always bizarre to me how much the USA glorifies its army and navy, tools of destruction and death. It's even in the name, Destroyer 2!

  7. Everyone absolutely loves farmed salmon! How could anyone possibly get enough of that gray but perfectly edible flesh, that mealy easy-to-eat texture, that low, low and I mean LOW price! Wow!

    We live on land, people! So who cares if fish farms pollute the oceans?! Plus, keeping all the fish crammed into a tiny, netted-off pens where they barely have enough room to swim makes them so much easier to dose with all the antibiotics needed to suppress all the diseases they get when crammed close together like that. And they're much easier to catch!

    .
    .
    .
    .
    (Just trying to give the trolls a coffee break)

  8. John McAfee is the biological child of the reincarnation of the Buddha and the second coming of Jesus. ¡McAfee 2016!

  9. The biggest issue is how farm raised critters have low levels of omega 3 so the meat's not even that good. To bad that free ranged stuff is damn expensive.

  10. No duh. Salmon are supposed to travel long distances between inland lakes and the ocean. It's a life long journey. They're born in fresh water, leave for the ocean to mature, then return to the lake they were born in to reproduce. then they die, and their decaying bodies feed the animals, like bears. If they're stuck in the same place all their life, it must destroy them internally to not be able to respond to their natural instincts.

  11. Somehow I found this Sammy the Salmon slightly less charismatic than the one that works for The Chemical Brothers.

  12. To all the SPN fans out there, Sammy the salmon reminds me of Salmon Dean (add in the bowlegs). Or maybe he's Salmon Dean's little brother with the blood addiction! XD LMAO

  13. 1 years ago before ,midea see ,where have my bad side ,no founding good side.ok have my 1 side bad —this time ,toking midea 4 side.—'why—?what is benifit media—-!!! now this time toking baby—-why—!!! .all men midea toking bad girl me ,ok l am happy and aceept.because what is true this is only know God..midea making my friend and challenging me ( scem india mohabbrat) !!!but l deified God (Allah) honest forever honest.media not my making.

  14. This is kind of creepy and wrong. But yeah, it’s socially inappropriate for me to take seriously the lives of non-human animals…

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