Claire Corlett

Fish Food, Fish Tanks, and More
Pun Off 2019: Punniest of Show 15: Allison Fisher

Pun Off 2019: Punniest of Show 15: Allison Fisher


PERIODICALLY, I’ll use dating apps, and
if the CHEMISTRY is right, I’ll go for it. I know some of you AR-SENICs, think all the
nice ones ARGON, that online dating is just a pool of SULFURing, but I’m here to tell
you that’s prePHOSPHORUS! I’ve actually METALLOIDS of people online. Here are my TINder S.N.tials. You gotta be discerning. I don’t wanna be LEAD astray by some P.B.
r- drinkin’ bro, swiping with his friends like, “BRO-MINE.” If he seems BORON’, I tell him to mind his
own BISMUTH. If anyone harasses me, my brother NICKEL beat
em up and no doctors will be around to HELIUM or call the COPPERs. (Hope that doesn’t seem too GOLD-hearted.) There’s a lot of profiles, but I SCANDIUM
all. I like to RADIUM based on the emojis they
use… sunglasses: five. TUNGS:TEN. Once I’ve matched, I’ve got TELLURIUM
in. I BARIUM in compliments to let em know I’m
INDIUM. Then, we’ll start to chat. Here, honesty is key: NO-BEL.GASlighting is
not for me. If they’re ACTINIDEs be able to tell, their
Pinocchio nose would LANTHAN,IDEs see it, and I’ve seen enough SILICONS! An honest chat will leave them MERCURYous
than before, and then we’ll set up a date. Now, I’m really in my ELEMENT. I’ll take eons aNEONs to get ready, I wanna
look SODIUM sexy, they’re gonna ZINC I’m a supermodel. They’re gonna take me to dinner. It’ll BERYLLIUM! IODINE on pasta and breadsticks: gotta get
that CARB-ON. MAN,GANESE night get any better? Turns out, it can! We go to the graveyard and get our KRYPTON
This ain’t my first RHODIUM. I CESIUM by the collar and PLATINUM against
a tombstone. Dey kiss me on MOLYBDENUM falling. This person’s here to raid my heart, and
I say, RADON! They’ve sent me love, and I’ll send it
right back ATOM.

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