RT Shorts – Fish Wish
Holy shit, I think I actually caught something for once. I didn’t do that, Hell? Hey, what the fuck?! Put me back it the water! Hey there, little guy. You’re a wiggly one. I will sushi slap the shit out of you with my tail! You wanna get finned from a buddy?! Why are you talking? Because… I’m a talking fish, genius! Name’s Gil. It’s a pun. Okay. Look, here’s how this works: You caught me, the magic talking fish. Fucking huzzah, whoop-de-do, etcetra. So, now you get three wishes. Three wishes? Don’t interrupt, Inkstain! I said three wishes, and I can suggest a place to start. How about, TATTOO REMOVAL?! You look like a 4-year-old wrote all over you with a sharpie! Can I ask for more wishes? Holy shit! You actually found a loophole in the system! No one ever thought of THAT shit before! Nice try, mouth-breather! Three wishes, then you toss me back in the water! In the meantime, I’ll try not to take a fish whiz in your palm! Ahh, too late! I want a strawberry milkshake. Wow, are you good under pressure? Now, look, I can tell you’re not exactly a mental giant, but do yourself a favor and THINK BIGGER! Yeah, you know what? Better that make that TWO strawberry milkshakes. I’m pretty thirsty. Kid, I don’t think you’re getting it. Dos milkshakes coming up! Booyah! Fish power! Sweet. Not bad, right? You make a pretty good milkshake, fish. You sure you don’t want any? No, thanks. I’m lactose intolerant. Oh, well. Time for number two- aw, shit! HA! Classic! Nice job wasting half a wish, fatfoot! Fuck you! You’re the on that bit into the gummy bear with a fucking hook in it. Hey! Sarcasm isn’t attractive on anybody. And that thrift store plaid shirt ain’t helping, either! Man, I really wish I unspilled that milkshake. Are you fucking shitting me? You’re gonna waste another wish on that milkshake? It was a really good milkshake. You know what? I’m not even surprised by this. This is like the time I got caught on the Jersey Shore, and Snooki wished for more tan! No, I really do want that milkshake. (Gil) What the fuck?! I wish it was unspilled. Oh, for fuck’s sake, I give up! Trying to talk some sense into you is like trying to talk self-esteem into a fat girl! But hey, Why should I give a carp? Okay. Here goes nothing! Shazazzle! Okay, suck on that, land mammal! Now let’s review: Wish 1: 2 milkshakes. Wish 2: 1 milkshake. By my math, wish 3 is gonna be HALF a milkshake! You want that already spilled, Einstein? Well, it’s always been a dream of mine to have a talking fish sandwich. (babbles) WHAA? Yeah. Yeah, I think I’m gonna wish for a talking fish sandwich. Why would you do that? Um, ’cause it sounds delicious. I mean, look at you. All right. Very funny. Ha, ha. Everybody wants to make jokes about eating the magical talking fish. But guess what, Seinfeld? The joke’s on YOU! It’s against the rules! What if I wished that it WASN’T against the rules? HMM? Umm… (screams) Ew! Ow! Ow! OW! Hmm, not bad. You know something? You’re a real asshole! I’l get you for this you… See ya later, buddy.