Claire Corlett

Fish Food, Fish Tanks, and More
The Fisher King – intro Jack Lucas (with subs)

The Fisher King – intro Jack Lucas (with subs)


Hi. This is about my husband. – Yes? – Well, he drives me crazy. I’ll be talking and he’ll never let me finish a sentence. He’s always finishing… He’s always finishing your thoughts. That’s awful. It … it … absolutely drives … It drives you crazy, doesn’t it? He’s a scoundrel! Jack, you’ve … hit the nail… Hit the nail on the head. Yeah, somebody ought to hit you on the head. So tell us, how long have you and Senator Payton been having this… …this sleazy affair? Oh, great. This is great. This is disgusting. I’m so tired of the public… … invading a person’s private life. You had sex with a U.S. Senator in the parking lot of Sea World. And you’re a private person? No, you’re our… Spotlight Celebrity! We want to hear about the back seats of limos sweatheart … …about the ruined lives of people we want to be. New and exotic uses for champagne corks. Listen, I have been humiliated enough already, okay? Well, no, perhaps not. We need those details. You’re a pig, Jack. You’re on the air, caller. Hello, Jack. It’s Edwin. Ooo ooo ooo ooh, It’s Edwin! Edwin … we haven’t heard you in, what, a day? I’ve missed you. I’ve missed you too, Jack. So it’s sunrise confession time Ed … what’ve you got for us? I went to this bar, this very, you know, hard-to-get-into place… … called Babbitt’s. Oh yeah, it’s one of those chic, yuppie watering holes. Well, I met this beautiful woman. Oh … come on now, Ed. If you start telling me you’re in love again… …l’m gonna remind you of the time we made you propose… …to that checkout girl at Thrifty’s
that you liked so much. Do you remember her reaction? She was just a girl. This is a beautiful woman. And Pinocchio is a true story. Ed, you’ll never get this tart to your dessert plate. This is different. She likes me. Edwin! Hey come on now
I told you about these people. They only mate with their own kind. It’s called yuppie inbreeding. That’s why so many of them are retarded and wear the same clothes … They are not human They don’t feel love. They only negotiate love moments. They’re evil, Edwin. They’re repulsed by imperfection, horrified by the banal… …everything that America stands for …everything that you and I fight for ! They must be stopped before it’s too late. It’s us or them. Okay, Jack. All right. Well, it’s been a thrill, as always. Have a perfect day. Everyone here at the Jack Lucas Show says ” bye.” This is Jack Lucas. So long. Arrivederci. I’ll send you a thought today as I lie in my stretch limo… …having sex with the teenager of my choice. And that thought will be: “Thank God I’m me.”

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