Trump Loves Shark Week and Weighs In on French Wine
-You guys, this is fun. “Shark Week” is officially here.
-Yeah. [ Cheers ] -And if you’re excited
about that, you’re either a marine biologist
or really high. [ Laughter ] I read that “Shark Week” started
back in 1988. Yeah. It’s been around
for over 30 years. Even crazier, they’ve just been
airing the same ten shows and nobody’s noticed.
[ Laughter ] Get this, every year there are about 80 unprovoked
shark attacks. Yeah, 80 unprovoked attacks. Or as President Trump
calls that, a weekend. [ Laughter ] -Yeah! [ Laughter and cheering ] -Actually, Trump loves
“Shark Week.” It’s the one time he can tweet
“I love great whites” without being called a racist.
[ Audience “oh”s ] -Really? [ Laughter and applause ] -Speaking of the President,
the other day he invited some reporters in to talk about
how he might put a tax on French wine. Even though he doesn’t drink,
he still weighed in on what he thinks about French
wine versus American wine. Listen to this. -I’ve always liked American
wines better than French wines. Even though I don’t drink wine.
[ Laughter ] I just like the way they look. [ Laughter ] -After that, his staffers
were like everyone on “Family Feud” after a teammate gives
a weird response. They’re like, “Good answer.
Good –” [ Laughter ] Show me
“Like the way they look”! [ Imitates buzzer ]
Oh, sorry. [ Laughter ] It looks — yeah. Some more political news. This week, there are two more
Democratic debates and tomorrow’s airs
at the same time as “The Bachelorette” finale.
-Ooh. -So no matter which one
you watch, you’ll see a bunch of sad guys
going home in a limo. It’s just —
[ Laughter ] No matter what. But everyone’s getting ready
for the next round of Democratic debates, which are
this Tuesday and Wednesday. -Oh, man, that’s great. I can’t wait to see my favorite
candidate, Eric Swalwell. [ Light laughter ] -You didn’t hear, Tariq? Eric Swalwell dropped out
of the race. He’s actually the only candidate
not returning to this round of debates. -Are you kidding me
right now? -No, I’m — I’m not kidding. [ Light laughter ] You liked Eric Swalwell?
-Duh. Why else would I get
all these shirts made that say “You can’t –”
[ Laughter ] “You can’t spell ‘America’
without ‘Eric'”? [ Laughter ]
-I had no idea that — [ Cheers and applause ] I had no idea that
you liked him so much. I — I — -I thought everyone did.
[ Light laughter ] Why else would I get
all these shirts made… [ Laughter ] …that say “We don’t need
a wall, we need a Swal”? -Yeah, yeah — Well, I —
[ Laughter and applause ] I understand… it must be upsetting,
but I’m sorry I had to break it to you
like this. I mean…
-Man, this is the worst. Now what am I going to do
with all these shirts… [ Laughter ]
…that say… “All’s swell that ends Swell”?
[ Laughter ] -“All’s well that’s Swalwell”? -Yeah, yeah, you know
what I mean. -Well, these shirts are
getting worse and worse. Tariq, how many shirts
did you get made? -I mean, who cares?
It doesn’t matter anyway. I mean, who’s even replacing him
in the debate? -A guy named Steve Bullock. -Oh, man, really?
I love Steve Bullock. He was my second pick.
[ Light laughter ] -Please don’t tell me
that you — -Which is why I got all
these shirts made… [ Laughter ] …that say, “Don’t be fooled by
the rocks that I got. I’m still Steve from the —
Steve from the Bullock.” [ Laughter and applause ]
-All right, thank you very much. That’s a pretty good one.
Thank you. Tariq Trotter, everybody.
Tariq, thank you very much. [ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪ [ Cheering continues ] “I’m still Steve
from the Bullock.” -Yeah. “From the Bullock.”
“From the Bullock.” -“I’m still Steve
from the Bullock.” -Yeah. And he’s got a bunch of rocks.
-Some — Some news from overseas. There are rumors that
Prince Harry and Meghan Markle have banned their neighbors
from talking to them. -Ooh.
[ Audience “ooh”s ] -Apparently the neighbors
aren’t even allowed to say “Good morning.”
-Oh. -Right now you’re thinking
that’s rude, but you’re also
a little jealous. [ Laughter ] Check this out.
I heard that soon Teslas will be able to stream Netflix
on the car’s center display. It’s all part of Tesla’s plan
to cut down on emissions and pedestrians.
-Oh. [ Laughter ] -Here’s some good news
from Washington. Democrats and Republicans just
worked together to pass a bill that would block robocalls. I think it’s the one thing — [ Cheers and applause ] It’s the one thing
we can agree on, that robocalls are the worst. -You know what, it’s funny,
because I never get robocalls. -Well, you’re one of
the lucky ones, because they can be
pretty awful. [ Phone vibrating ]
-Oops, sorry. Getting a phone call right now.
[ Laughter ] That’s weird.
It’s my area code, but I don’t recognize
the number. -No, Higgins,
that is a robocall. -No, clearly it’s a local call. -No, no, Higgins, that’s what
they do now. That’s — -Probably one of my relatives
from a random line because their phone broke,
you know. -No, no, no. That’s what
they want you to think. -No, no, no.
Here, I’ll put it on speaker. You got the Steve. -Hello, this is a call regarding
your computer’s security. This is an emergency. -Whoa, good thing I answered.
Huh, smart guy? -No, no, no —
No, Higgins — -You must update your Social Security
information immediately. -Well, of course.
My Social Security is 9-8-7 — -No, no.
Higgins, Higgins, Higgins! -This’ll just take a second.
-No, don’t — It’s 9 —
-Don’t give them or America your Social Security number
right now. That’s crazy.
-Dude, it’s totally cool. That’s why they call it
“Social” Security. [ Laughter ]
It’s meant to be social. It’s meant to be shared.
-No, that’s not — That is not what it means,
actually. That’s not what it —
-No, that’s what it means. No, you got a pen?
It’s 9-8-7 — -Oh, my goodness. -…6-5-4-3-2-6. And thank you for looking out
for me. -I can’t believe
you just did that. That — it’s a total scam. I mean, if you’re not careful
with these calls, someone’s going to steal
your identity. -[ Laughs ]
Don’t worry about it. Everything is fine. [ Laughter and applause ] You just —
just do your monologue. [ Laughter ] [ Laughter continues ] -What — what are you
swiping? -I’m on Tinder.
-Ah, get out of here. [ Laughter ] Oh, this isn’t good here, guys. A woman in Tennessee
was staying at a Hampton Inn and she woke up when a snake
slithered across her body. [ Audience “ooh”s ] Hampton Inn is defending
itself. They were like, “Well, did our
wake-up call work or not?” I mean —
[ Laughter ] And finally, you guys,
I’m excited about this. Tonight on the show
we have the winner of the “Fortnite” World Cup
Championship… [ Cheers and applause ]
…Kyle “Bugha” Giersdorf. He’s just 16 years old
and he won $3 million. [ Cheers, gasping ] Right now parents everywhere
are going, “All right, put down your homework
and go play video games.”