Claire Corlett

Fish Food, Fish Tanks, and More
Trump Loves Shark Week and Weighs In on French Wine

Trump Loves Shark Week and Weighs In on French Wine


-You guys, this is fun. “Shark Week” is officially here.
-Yeah. [ Cheers ] -And if you’re excited
about that, you’re either a marine biologist
or really high. [ Laughter ] I read that “Shark Week” started
back in 1988. Yeah. It’s been around
for over 30 years. Even crazier, they’ve just been
airing the same ten shows and nobody’s noticed.
[ Laughter ] Get this, every year there are about 80 unprovoked
shark attacks. Yeah, 80 unprovoked attacks. Or as President Trump
calls that, a weekend. [ Laughter ] -Yeah! [ Laughter and cheering ] -Actually, Trump loves
“Shark Week.” It’s the one time he can tweet
“I love great whites” without being called a racist.
[ Audience “oh”s ] -Really? [ Laughter and applause ] -Speaking of the President,
the other day he invited some reporters in to talk about
how he might put a tax on French wine. Even though he doesn’t drink,
he still weighed in on what he thinks about French
wine versus American wine. Listen to this. -I’ve always liked American
wines better than French wines. Even though I don’t drink wine.
[ Laughter ] I just like the way they look. [ Laughter ] -After that, his staffers
were like everyone on “Family Feud” after a teammate gives
a weird response. They’re like, “Good answer.
Good –” [ Laughter ] Show me
“Like the way they look”! [ Imitates buzzer ]
Oh, sorry. [ Laughter ] It looks — yeah. Some more political news. This week, there are two more
Democratic debates and tomorrow’s airs
at the same time as “The Bachelorette” finale.
-Ooh. -So no matter which one
you watch, you’ll see a bunch of sad guys
going home in a limo. It’s just —
[ Laughter ] No matter what. But everyone’s getting ready
for the next round of Democratic debates, which are
this Tuesday and Wednesday. -Oh, man, that’s great. I can’t wait to see my favorite
candidate, Eric Swalwell. [ Light laughter ] -You didn’t hear, Tariq? Eric Swalwell dropped out
of the race. He’s actually the only candidate
not returning to this round of debates. -Are you kidding me
right now? -No, I’m — I’m not kidding. [ Light laughter ] You liked Eric Swalwell?
-Duh. Why else would I get
all these shirts made that say “You can’t –”
[ Laughter ] “You can’t spell ‘America’
without ‘Eric'”? [ Laughter ]
-I had no idea that — [ Cheers and applause ] I had no idea that
you liked him so much. I — I — -I thought everyone did.
[ Light laughter ] Why else would I get
all these shirts made… [ Laughter ] …that say “We don’t need
a wall, we need a Swal”? -Yeah, yeah — Well, I —
[ Laughter and applause ] I understand… it must be upsetting,
but I’m sorry I had to break it to you
like this. I mean…
-Man, this is the worst. Now what am I going to do
with all these shirts… [ Laughter ]
…that say… “All’s swell that ends Swell”?
[ Laughter ] -“All’s well that’s Swalwell”? -Yeah, yeah, you know
what I mean. -Well, these shirts are
getting worse and worse. Tariq, how many shirts
did you get made? -I mean, who cares?
It doesn’t matter anyway. I mean, who’s even replacing him
in the debate? -A guy named Steve Bullock. -Oh, man, really?
I love Steve Bullock. He was my second pick.
[ Light laughter ] -Please don’t tell me
that you — -Which is why I got all
these shirts made… [ Laughter ] …that say, “Don’t be fooled by
the rocks that I got. I’m still Steve from the —
Steve from the Bullock.” [ Laughter and applause ]
-All right, thank you very much. That’s a pretty good one.
Thank you. Tariq Trotter, everybody.
Tariq, thank you very much. [ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪ [ Cheering continues ] “I’m still Steve
from the Bullock.” -Yeah. “From the Bullock.”
“From the Bullock.” -“I’m still Steve
from the Bullock.” -Yeah. And he’s got a bunch of rocks.
-Some — Some news from overseas. There are rumors that
Prince Harry and Meghan Markle have banned their neighbors
from talking to them. -Ooh.
[ Audience “ooh”s ] -Apparently the neighbors
aren’t even allowed to say “Good morning.”
-Oh. -Right now you’re thinking
that’s rude, but you’re also
a little jealous. [ Laughter ] Check this out.
I heard that soon Teslas will be able to stream Netflix
on the car’s center display. It’s all part of Tesla’s plan
to cut down on emissions and pedestrians.
-Oh. [ Laughter ] -Here’s some good news
from Washington. Democrats and Republicans just
worked together to pass a bill that would block robocalls. I think it’s the one thing — [ Cheers and applause ] It’s the one thing
we can agree on, that robocalls are the worst. -You know what, it’s funny,
because I never get robocalls. -Well, you’re one of
the lucky ones, because they can be
pretty awful. [ Phone vibrating ]
-Oops, sorry. Getting a phone call right now.
[ Laughter ] That’s weird.
It’s my area code, but I don’t recognize
the number. -No, Higgins,
that is a robocall. -No, clearly it’s a local call. -No, no, Higgins, that’s what
they do now. That’s — -Probably one of my relatives
from a random line because their phone broke,
you know. -No, no, no. That’s what
they want you to think. -No, no, no.
Here, I’ll put it on speaker. You got the Steve. -Hello, this is a call regarding
your computer’s security. This is an emergency. -Whoa, good thing I answered.
Huh, smart guy? -No, no, no —
No, Higgins — -You must update your Social Security
information immediately. -Well, of course.
My Social Security is 9-8-7 — -No, no.
Higgins, Higgins, Higgins! -This’ll just take a second.
-No, don’t — It’s 9 —
-Don’t give them or America your Social Security number
right now. That’s crazy.
-Dude, it’s totally cool. That’s why they call it
“Social” Security. [ Laughter ]
It’s meant to be social. It’s meant to be shared.
-No, that’s not — That is not what it means,
actually. That’s not what it —
-No, that’s what it means. No, you got a pen?
It’s 9-8-7 — -Oh, my goodness. -…6-5-4-3-2-6. And thank you for looking out
for me. -I can’t believe
you just did that. That — it’s a total scam. I mean, if you’re not careful
with these calls, someone’s going to steal
your identity. -[ Laughs ]
Don’t worry about it. Everything is fine. [ Laughter and applause ] You just —
just do your monologue. [ Laughter ] [ Laughter continues ] -What — what are you
swiping? -I’m on Tinder.
-Ah, get out of here. [ Laughter ] Oh, this isn’t good here, guys. A woman in Tennessee
was staying at a Hampton Inn and she woke up when a snake
slithered across her body. [ Audience “ooh”s ] Hampton Inn is defending
itself. They were like, “Well, did our
wake-up call work or not?” I mean —
[ Laughter ] And finally, you guys,
I’m excited about this. Tonight on the show
we have the winner of the “Fortnite” World Cup
Championship… [ Cheers and applause ]
…Kyle “Bugha” Giersdorf. He’s just 16 years old
and he won $3 million. [ Cheers, gasping ] Right now parents everywhere
are going, “All right, put down your homework
and go play video games.”

100 comments on “Trump Loves Shark Week and Weighs In on French Wine

  1. Yes, going to Detroit! Love is shirts, make a contribution. Go for Marianne Williamson for President. What size shirt? Coming thru for a show! Thursday. You are on Jimmy!!! Thank you!

  2. I did tell my kids to stop everything they're doing and get to play the video games. . . they're under 4. . . dont know what's going on lol

  3. So Trump doesn't drink? I find that very hard to believe…so all of his stupid ass tweets and comments are fueled only by McDonald's and ego and ignorance???!!! Wow…if he was a drunk, it would at least be somewhat excusable…

  4. That was so funny Jimmy. Snake as a wakeup call clever all hotels should do that, not! Yikes! Robocalls are a pain, I don't answer 99.9% of my calls because of it. Let's dump Trump in 2020.

  5. Again, he manufactures this stuff to take attention away from the billions he has made in violation of the emoluments clause. Sickening.

  6. Lay off those botox injections, Jimmy. You look fake, your face is not even moving when you smile, seriously, lay off of it. You could look so much better as a natural man without these injections. And while at it, lay off of Trump too.

  7. Say what oh Wait should I start it now or it’s too late for me what’s fortnights? Anyways y’all

  8. Tariq knew how bad the bit was but still powered through… But I kind of want some of those ridiculous shirts now.

  9. @1:49 when Jimmy turns around to respond to the Eric Swalwell line, he looks drunk, doesn't he? 🤔🤣🤣🤣🤣

  10. Wouldn't be great when Trump was attacked by a Huge Big White Shark? I would love it! Devour him in one gulb.

  11. ahahah trump)) big troll) he head leader,)> how all trol subordinates,? office work? wine i love wich good food meat) Honestly I'm waiting for a debate 5:39 ahahaah dont worry tinder)

  12. Most of Trumps attacks are entirely provoked / reactionary.
    A few exceptions might be global financial 'attacks' to play chicken with entire countries, with his own country's tax dollars as a betting stake.

  13. Can you not find anything else to talk about or make fun of other than Trump I'm so sick of all the talk show host all they talk about is Trump Trump and more Trump

  14. Trump and wine is like trump picking his WH staff: he has no experience with it but thinks he is an expert. And instead of actually picking something good he just picks whatever looks good how disgusting and trashy it may be.

  15. Just change the can’t spell America without “Eric” to “Erica” and you have a stranger things t shirt

  16. ooow, Jimmy, you look like the series teacher, paper house !!
    Bella ciaaaao,bella ciaaaao…enough for the glasses and the beard…kkkkkk

  17. its like me saying i prefer Indian tea although i don't drink the stuff. oh by the way, french wine is the best of wines, unfortunately you do need to travel to France to drink the best of the best wines.

  18. Is anyone buying that I like the way they look? That sounds like something lame I would have told my mom in college. "I don't drink, Mom, I just like the way they look!"

  19. tRump want's to tax French wine, and prefers the way American wine looks (?).
    I would make a guess that tRump has bought a winery in America somewhere. This is less than subtil way of helping to make more money.
    We all know by now that when tRump does something like this, there is something in it for him.

  20. So says the Disgraceful Moron™ that doesn't consume wine preferring one over the other. Lying as usual.

  21. MAGA Virus is spreading and Turn People into Mindless MAGA Zombie . Hopefully someone will find a cure remove the patient zero from WH . God bless .

  22. Jimmy STFU. You yourself are racist. Remember when you did blackface impersonating Chris Rock on SNL. At least Trump never did blackface. Kimmel too and Sarah who recent got canned for her blackface. Hope you are next racist asshole and all the other racist hypocrite in Hollywood.

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