WE’RE ALL SHARKS NOW… | DEPTH #4
Mark: Alright you wanna do– you wanna do blood and gold? Bob: Sure.
Ethan: Yeah. Mark: Alright, I’ll put bots in this time. Th– In this one, Two random people will be the sharks, and then four divers. OH, I am a shark guys Bob: Yay!! Bob: The two people who are best at the sharks! Mark: Yeah 😀 Alright! Ooh, what should I be? Bob, what are you gonna be? Bob: Uh, I like the Mako or the Tiger usually. Mark: I’m gonna go for the Great White, just for scaring… Bob: Yeah, you be the, uh, aggressor and I will be your little companion who ducks in and out and fucks with them Mark: Cool… Gotcha. Wade: All signs point to us losing badly. So I have faith
Ethan: Yeah, Ethan: I’m ready to get eaten alive..
Mark: Hey, Ethan: I’ve accepted my fate. Mark: You’ve got hard bots on your side Wade: Oh we have hard bots? Never mind, we won. Mark: You got hard bots. Wade: The bots in this game are absurd. Mark: Are they? Wade: You’ve never fought against a hard bot shark? Mark: Oh, no. Ethan: Oh no Wade: Just you wait Buckle up and prepare to lose. *Everyone laughing* Wade: I still have nightmares and I’ve not played this game in years. *Mark laughing* Bob: Oh, fuck Wade:These bots are already like, aiming at you guys. Bob: No they’re not. Wade: Oh you think they’re not. Bob: Hey buddy 🙂 How’s it going, friend? Mark: Heyyy buddy Bob: The one thing that’s tough about this is that I don’t really know these maps anymore, so, as the shark, its hard to exploit off the little side allies and stuff, if you don’t know the maps very well. Wade: I don’t know the– I never knew the maps, I never played this game enough Ethan: Oh 😮 There’s a flare. Mark: Wuh– *Wade sounds of frustration* Ethan: Oh there’re sharks in here already Hey guys! How ya doing? Wade: Well, I guess the bots are more obsessed with treasure than helping their own buddy out. :/ Ethan: Jeeeeez, okay. Okay. Oh I got him 🙂 Mark, that was you. How does it feel to be DEAD? Mark: Ha, your friend’s dead. Bob: Oh, he died? Mark: Ye-yeah, y’know like a loser I felt like it– Bob: Oh, shit snackz Mark: I felt like dying, y’know Just– I didn’t wanna give him like, too much of a scare. I’m a pretty spooky shark when ya get to know me. Like right about.. NOW Wade: OH COME ON! WHY ME AGAIN?! Ethan: OKAY. OKAY. *Mark laughing* Wade: Ethan, can you kill him a second earlier? Ethan: Well, sorry! I was trying to repair S.T.E.V.E.! He’s wounded. He needs some– Wade: He’s fine! S.T.E.V.E IS A ROBOT! I’m a living person! Ethan: Yeah, well– Why should I value your life over S.T.E.V.E.’s here? He’s done a lot- FOR US!! JESUS CHRIST! I’M DYING! *Everyone laughing* Ethan: Wade! Why didn’t you help me out?! Wade: I’m sorry, I was busy getting eaten! *Mark laughing* Ethan: Ohh, its okay S.T.E.V.E. I’m here for you. Don’t worry about it. Bob: Oh you’re with S.T.E.V.E., are you? Ethan: Uh noo Mark: S.T.E.V.E., huh? Bob: Oh, that’s interesting; that you’re with S.T.E.V.E. Ethan: I was collecting so much treasure 😀 Ohh 😮 Hey.. How’s it goin’? Bob: Ah, shit
Ethan: Oh you’re dead. Mark: Alright. Bob, let’s– let’s coordinate? Bob: Alright Mark: I’ll come in, like a juggernaut, and then you’ll– you’ll smack him upside… the friggin’ head. Bob: Alright, I see you. I feel you. Mark: You feel me? You feel me, bruh? Bob: I feel you bro. Mark: You feel me? Ethan: Just in the open ocean..
Bob: I sincerely do. Mark: Uh oh Ethan: …all by myself. Bob: Oh dear. Ethan: …in this room now ._. Bob: horrible things seem to be happening near you Ethan: Oh no! Oh no…! Oh no… Mark: You all alone? *Ethan sounds of surprise, struggle, and regret* Ethan: Yeah– Yeah, I’m dead. I’m gone. Ethan: Okay.
Mark: Ow :/ Ethan: They’re uh– they’re comin’ for ya, Wade. Bob: Oh my God 😮 Jeez. Mark: That bot– that bot is good.
Wade: I told ya; beware of the bots. Bob: That bot is ridiculous..! Wade: Maybe you guys should go eat something else and leave the people alone.
Ethan: Yeah. Mark: Maybe you guys should shut up and just be ready for death. 🙂 Bob: I could– I could go eat something else. Mark: Yeah, I could eat something else. Ethan: People aren’t food for sharks! Bob: I could fuck a dog Ethan: ..go eat some seals or some fish
Wade: What? Bob: What? Wade: You could, uh, what? Bob: Nothin’. Ethan: Huh? Okay Wade: Oh-ho-ho-ho They’re screwin’ with us! Ethan: Oh no… Bob: Who’s screwing with you? I don’t anyone’s screwing with you.. Ethan: Don’t worry Wade, we’re gonna be fine. We’re gonna be juuust fine. ‘Kay? Deep breaths 🙂
Wade: Yeah. Wade: I mean you’re gonna die but I’ll be fine 🙂 Ethan: Deep breaths under (:o) wAaAa– okay. oOH! NO WE’RE NOT GONNA BE FINE! *Mark laughing* Ethan: I’m being eaten alive!! *Everyone laughing* Mark (mocking): Were gonna be just FIIINNNEEE
Bob: Hey buddy. Bob: Oh no :O These fucking bots, man. Mark: Yeah, they’re good. Ethan: Wade, new plan. We’re gonna take the shark corpse and we’re gonna drag it along with us as a warning sign. Okay? Wade: Alright. Ethan: Alright? I’m–I’m pushing it along. Wade: AHH! WHAT THE– Ethan: Hey, see this?! This is your shark friend! That got eaten–er–shot! Killed. Now we’re gonna eat him later>:D Ethan: Heh heh heh 😀 I’m having a fun time 🙂
Wade: Welp, hope you’re okay, S.T.E.V.E. Ethan: Heh I’m having a fun time just pushing this shark corpse along. Wade: Woah– WOAH! HEY! There you are! Mark: He-hey! 😀 Wade: I was wondering where you be. Mark: “Where I be”?
Ethan: “Where I beee” .___. Ethan: OoOhh ee~ Bob: Hey buddy!
Mark: Oh! Automated turret Mark: Holy shit…! Bob: No~ D: *high pitched* Fucking bots! Bob: I don’t understand (x4) Mark: I don’t get it guys. Mark: I don’t understand. Bob: Hey guys. Mark: You in here? Bob: How’s it going, fellers? Ethan: Uh–oh… Okay… Okay… *Everyone’s personal sounds* Ethan: That is vicious. *cue evil laughter from mark* Ethan: See you just go though the water and thrash that body around. Bob: C’mon D: Ethan: See you just go though the water and thrash that body around Wade (in his own world): Woohoo Bob: Oh, Wade actually killed me. For once, it wasn’t your bots just carrying you. *Mark laughter*
Wade: Wow! Ethan: Hey! ‘Scuse me
Mark: Yeahhhh~ Mark: That’s what I’m talking about. Wade: Hey listen, I’ve done a lot of damage, they just always take the credit for my kills. Wade: Yeah right.
Ethan: I’ve killed a shark or two in my day 😀 Bob: Sorry, we’re winning this war of attrition. Its no big deal. Wade: That’s true. You are winning that. *Ethan’s quiet sounds of worry* Mark: ‘Kay, I’m gonna– Bob: Hey guys Mark: –I’m gonna go in, I’m gonna go in Bob, I’m going in. Bob: Alright Ethan: Oh where are you? Wade: Oh, come on! Ethan: Oh~ :/ Where are you? ://
Wade: Poopy! Mark: ♫ where are you? ♫ Wade: It was eating me right next to
Ethan: ♫ I’m so sorry ♫ *Mark laughing* Mark: If you just wanted to know.. Ethan: *scared* ♫ where are you? ♫ ♫ I’m so sorry ♫ *evil laughter from mark* Ethan: ♫ I cannot sleeep ♫ ♫ I cannot dream.. to– ♫ –NIIGHTT! NO-HO-HO-HO
MARK: HAHHAHA *laughing* Ethan: I can’t dream tonight cuz I’m fucking dead! Oh no… Bob: Welp, that’s fair. Mark: Ahh, I almost had ’em. Bob: Who wants to be my friend~? 🙂 Ethan: I don’t 😀 I’ll pass Wade: Oh com– Help me!! Ethan: I’m trying my best!
Mark: Awh, dammit! Mark: Man, I-
Ethan: I can’t– AAHHHH Mark: I need to seize my arm more,
Ethan: AAAHHHH! NO Mark: because I’m not able to thrash people dead. Bob: Yeah you need to seizure harder man. You gotta thrash the fuck outta them. Mark: I’m gonna, I’m gonna thrash the fuck outta them right about… noW! 😀 Woah, I missed! D: Never mind! *Mark’s grunts of effort* God, I’m thrashing so hard! Ethan: I feel like I’m killing all the sharks, Wade. I can’t carry the team! *Everyone laughing at Ethan’s pain* Wade: We noticed Look at the score Bob (mocking): “I can’t carry the team” 😀 I feel like Ethan has some pretty strong opinions about how your contributions are going, Wade. Ethan: Yeah, Wade. *ethan’s sounds of despair* Mark: Jesus. Wade: Just ’cause I don’t get the final hit on half of these things doesn’t mean I’m not helpin’>:| Mark: Yeah, I like– Yeah, keep it up, Yeah, uh, Ethan, what else has Wade done to wrong you in this department? Ethan: Yea– AAAHHHHHH HAHAHAHAH Bob: God dammit Ethan: OH GOD Bob: I fucking missed Wade and went and got stupid Ethan>:( Mark: Hey, I got two! Bob: Nice Ethan: I appreciate you finishing me off because I was just like a half-dead body swimming in the water. Bob: You should come hang out with me Mark: Yeah, you guys should go get treasureee~ Ethan: Treasureeee 🙂 Mark: Treasure, treasure, treasure
Bob: Yeah Bob: Collect all the trea-see-yer Wade: Ahhh~! Ethan: Oh, there he is! Wow, you’re f– you’re FAST!! OW!! D:
Ethan: I shat a few times in my life>:/ Mark: Alright, just be careful, Bob Be careful, be wise, be wise Bob: That’s not wise, I change my mind Mark: Word to the wise Bob: This is unwise ethan: oh ~ D: *intense focus* ethan: uh hello? mark: where are youuu~ Ethan: Ooh! There you are! Everyone: Hahahaha
Ethan: Okay! Hi! Mark: That worked. That worked. That was good, Bob. That was good. bob: The double distraction? Mark: Yeah-ha-ha-ha Once they were looking away, it was much easier Bob: Where ya at, bitches? Mark: Yeah, where you guys at? Bob: Where ya at bitch-bagz? B) Ethan: Uh, Being out in the open water– OHHH-KAY Mark and Bob: Hahahahaa Mark: Being out in the open was a bad idea *Ethan laughing* Ethan: It was like, oh, fucking scary
Bob: God dammit Bob: I can’t fucking hit anything, I suck! I suck so hard
Ethan (mocking): “Sahck!” Bob: I fahckin sahck cahck!
Mark: I sahck! I sahck cahck! Wade: Its okay, Bob
Ethan: I sahck cahck…! Wade: We know.. Bob: Mark is carrying me Its okay. Mark: No, its cool Bob, you’re doing great You just gotta believe in the heart of the you 🙂 Ethan: I found a totem 😀 Bob: I believe in the heart of my boob
Ethan about his totem: Oh yeah! :DDD Mark: Ye-yeah, thats it, yeah, thats it Bob: No, nothing’s happening, it’s fine Mark: Yeah, nothing’s happening Wade: Yeah, I think were fine I don’t know what you’re talking about Bob: No one is breaking anything, so, don’t worry. Ethan: I’m not so sure Bob: Just continue doing whatever it is that you were doing currently, and its fine. Ethan: Oh, I’ve got a plaaAAANNN I don’t have a plan! That plan was not working
Bob: What?! Bob: WHAT?! “What,” I say? Mark: Ahhh! Yes!! Ethan: Ahh>:o Ethan: Ahh>:o Mark: Oh shIT God dammit Bob: Ha-hah!
Ethan: Fuck, fuck, fuck! Where did he go? Mark: Ah :/ Get ’em Get ’em, get ’em, Bob They’re outta tickets, they’re outta tickets We gotta go, go, go! Go, go get ’em! (x100) *mark saying get ’em over and over. everyone’s got their own noises.* Bob: I’ma goin’ ! *Mark sounds of defeat* Bob: God dammit! Ethan: WE WON! 😀 Bob: I spawn so far away! D: *Ethan being happy :)*
Wade: Thank you so much for carrying us! Mark: Look at how much carrying Ethan did! *Everyone laughing at Ethan’s “helping”* Mark: Is your back sore from all that? Are you okay?! Ethan: Whew, I did some he-eavy lifting! Wade: Yeah, I don’t know what I would’ve done if Ethan wasn’t carrying us! Mark: Yeah, man, I’m– You’re sweating ain’t cha? *Cocky* Ethan: You’re welcome, Wade! :DDD Wade: At least he’s had 28 deaths! Ethan: Sorry guys, I–I gotta go I gotta go take a shower ’cause I am SWEATY from all that! Wade: you can do us four against two hard bot sharks if we’re allowed to pick. Mark: We…. I think we can I-I can select diver…
Ethan: Sounds good. Wade: Yeah, I think if we all select diver.. How do you do that? Mark: If you go to private match– Everyone on diver? Everyone: Yup Mark: Okay Aaaaand, boop Ethan: Wait– Hold on– Wait Uh– fuck, I had some things… come.. about
Mark: Woah, ‘kay cancel Ethan: Wait- What’re you….? *Everybody “Oh Ethan”ing* Ethan: a thing popped up! Bob: Come on Ethan: Uh, where do I go to select– Mark: “Private match”; “Play”, “Private Match” Mark: You– Are you– Okay.. Wade: Use four bars that say: Quick Match, Match-Making, Private Match, and Tutorial on the left side of the screen once you click the big “Play” button on top. Ethan: That’s not here ;___; Mark: Whaddya mean “its– Bob: You have to go back to the Main Menu Ethan, click “Return to menu” Ethan: Oh wait– No, I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it
Mark: Oh wait, yeah Mark: What’re you doing? Bob: God dammit, Jesus Christ
Ethan: No, I got it Mark: Alright, are you diver? Ethan: Uh *Another one of his Ethan Giggles* Passive Wade: Click private match, click the big diver picture. Bob: GET YOUR ACNE OUT OF YOUR EARS T_T *Mark and Ethan laughing* aND GO– LEFT! *Mark and Ethan continuing dying of laughter* Bob: god damn… 🙂 ethan & mark: *laughter* Wade: I don’t want to be *inaudible* here but, diver’s actually on the right. *More laughter* *MORE laughter. i think they’re going insane* Mark: I’m sorry, I’m okay. Okay, alright, everyone’s diver, right? [more laughter] Ethan: I think so Mark: Hey cool, it worked
Bob: Yay, it worked! Wade: Yay… Mark: We’re gonna die aren’t we? We’re gonna die. Wade: Yeah 😀 Bob: Nah, we’re fine. Mark: So, hard bots are bad. Right? Wade: If that’s like the highest difficulty, I remember them, yeah. Mark: Yeah, uh, I think it is. Oh..kay. Bob: I just wanna fuck one of them–
Ethan: This is a little less spooky… one of those sharks. Ethan: … its not as dark. Mark: You– you’re not supposed to fuck the shark. Bob: No, yeah, we’re s’posed to fuck them, right ?? Mark: No. NO. Bob: We’re supposed to fuck ‘n kill ’em. Mark: Yeah, fucking KILL ’em.. Oh not fuck AND kill ’em, fuck𝐢𝐧𝐠 kill ’em [why are they like this] Ethan: No, not fuck them to death.. that’s not… Wade: Screw ’em! Bob: I mean I was like, “how do you even do that to a shark?” but, I guess that makes more sense Ethan: Have you been doing that the WHOLE time? Mark: Yeah! Bob: Yeah Ethan: Have you just been fucking the sharks? Bob: That– Is that wrong? Mark: Ye-yeah, actually Wade: Not if it feels right. Mark: I mean even if it feels right– I– I’m– the logistics
Bob: It doesn’t really 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 right, Bob: but, I just thought that was the whole thing we were here doing. *EVERYONE YELLING* Bob: Holy fucking shit! OH MY GOD. Ethan: JESUS CHRIST! Mark: WOA-AAY-AY-AY Okay! Alright! Ethan: Don Walsh! Mark: I’M ALIVE! 😀 Ethan: murdered me.. *laughing* Wade: Ah, WHYYYYYYYYY! D: Mark: Oh-ho my God. :0 Ho-oly shit Ethan: I love the name of the shark: “Don Walsh” *Ethan laughing* Mark: “Don Walsh”? *while laughing* Wade: What about the other one like, “Jacques Cousteau” or whatever? Ethan: Look at the name of the shark!
Mark: Oh my God Bob: Oh God, its here! Its heRE! Oh, for fucks sake! Ethan: WHOA :0 God damn! Mark: Holy shIIIIIIIIt! Okay, got one of them. Jesus– WO-HOAH FACKING FUCK D: Bob: They never fucking go away! *Wade screaming in the background* Mark: No they do not! Ethan: Was it Don? Was it Don that killed you? Bob: Wuh– Uh– wuh.. I just spawned! It killed me in spawn!>:[ Wade: Yeah
Mark: Woah..! Mark: Okayyy IIII– Mark: FUCKING FUCK
Ethan: Where are they? Bob: Oh God– I just spawned, and it’s right there! Ethan: Guys, I think we’re a little in over our heads– Mark: No, no, no Just– everybody focus, everybody just stick together don’t go on your own.
Ethan: Okay.. We got this
Ethan: Okay Mark: Keep dodgin’. Dodge around. Dodge– AAHHHHH FAAAAAK! Ethan: BOB USE YOUR “FUCKING” TECHNIQUE!
Bob: OH ITS NOT DEAD! ITS NOT DEAD! Ethan: Oh, its dead, okay
Bob: I shot ’em! Mark: Ay yi yi, yi Okay.. Ethan: Bob, are you using your “fucking” technique?
Mark: I’ll try to re– Ethan: Is it working? Mark: Yeah
Ethan: It doesn’t Bob: This is totally different,
Ethan: seem to be working this is completely different than its been so far– Ethan: OOH, GOD DAMMIT (x3) Mark: So, when you were fucking ’em– Bob: –I GOTCHA! Oh.. no, I didn’t save you, he killed you. Calm Mark: *trying to ask his question* When you were fucking ’em before..
Wade: Why is S.T.E.V.E. so far away?! Bob: oh, oH, OH, 𝐎𝐇 Mark: So–
Bob: Can someone kill Don Walsh Wade: OOAHHHH, WHAT HAPPENED? [Inaudible screaming from Wade] Wade: OHHHHH!
Mark: WOAH! I damaged it, where THE FUCK DID IT GO?! Its right in front of me– OH MY GOD Oh my god! (x3) Its dead, its dead, its dead.. Wade: They already have upgraded the Great White Bob: Huh, huh, huh, huh, huh Mark: I don’t know where you guys are, I have lost everybody ._. Bob: I’m by S.T.E.V.E., come to S.T.E.V.E Ethan: I’m by S.T.E.V.E, too. Mark: Okay. Wade: Yeah, we’re all by S.T.E.V.E. Bob: Is anyone else actually collecting gold? Mark: Yeah I am, I am
Bob: ‘Cause I– so far I’m not Mark: I am Bob: Oh, who’s fucking bleeding? T_T Mark, you’re bleeding Mark: Sorry.
Bob: Get away from me. Ethan: Get out of here! Mark: Heh “Get outta here, bleeder!>:(” Ethan: Swim into the open ocean, but don’t be near us! 🙂 Mark: Guys, I just want a friendly hug It’ll make me feel better :’)
Bob: Oh, GOD! IT’S ON ME! IT’S ON ME! IT’S ON ME! IT’S ON ME! Mark: See? Not 𝐦𝐲 fault. B| Not 𝐦𝐲 fault, guys. Ethan: Mark, if you look to your left, you see where you can see nothing, swim in 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 direction. Mark: No, guys, I’m fine — *wait for it* You guys are just– *gets eaten right as he talks* AAHHHHH!!! D:
Ethan: WELL! Mark: WOW! Ethan: The sharks won by a lot! Mark: Well, Ethan! [Ethan laughs] Oh my god– Ethan: I– I carried us guys! 😀 twice? In *ONE* day? How– Ethan: Yeah we–we’re, uh.. we-we’re almost there because of *ME*, but, Wade, and Bob, and Mark, *YOU* guys fucked it all up 😀 Mark: Wade really fucked it up at the end there, like, we were all watching. No one has the assists, that you do.. Ethan. NO ONE. *laughter* Wade: Nobody had the spray that you had! Not a one *laughing* [Mark’s awesome outro music: Crazy La Paint]