Why We Should All Care About Saving the Tuna – The Jim Jefferies Show
Tonight, we heard about the efforts to save some of the world’s most beautiful animals. And isn’t that really part of the problem? Preservation is important, but everyone loves cute, smart animals. Who will stand for the unattractive, stupid ones? Like dumb, ugly tuna. I can’t even get a can if there’s a chance that some beautiful dolphin who’s so smart got a bit of his flipper in there. Think about how amazing the tuna is. It’s the most versatile animal in the world. It can be an expensive delicacy prepared by a world-class chef using a $2,000 sushi knife, or it can be slapped on a Subway sandwich using an ice cream scoop. No other animal has such range. Save the tuna. F**k dolphins! F**k ’em! They’re too flashy! With their blowholes and their shit-eating grins! People think it’s cute when they swim alongside the boat. It’s not cute! They’re just f**king showing off! Like an old, Italian guy who pulls up in a Ferrari and revs his engine. [Italian accent] “Hey, a-principessa! How’d you like-a-to be with a real fish?” Oh, yeah, by the way, dolphins are fish. Don’t give me that “mammal” bullshit. If a dolphin was at a party with a human and a fish, who do you think it would have a better conversation with? The fish and the dolphin have way more in common. They’re f**king fish. You too, penguins. You’re not birds. Birds fly. “Oh, but I have wings.” They’re not wings! They’re fins, you dickheads! You’re fish! Tunas give so much and they ask so little. So help me speak for the tuna by using the hashtag #MeTuna.